I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
