bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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