Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
