...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
