she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
