Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
