I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
