Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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