i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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