don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I came so hard my ears popped.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
