i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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