I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
