I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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