the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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