yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
