thus making me awesome and them whores
I feel like abortions should bother me more
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
