i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
