A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
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