I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
