After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
