I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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