I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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