He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
