My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
