apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
