I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
