Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
