haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
