You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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