Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
