Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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