The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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