I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
