Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
