He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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