He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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