Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
