If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
