I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
