I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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