Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
