Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
