It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
