What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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