Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
