On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
