i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
