i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I came so hard my ears popped.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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