woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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