is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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