actually, I'm a sock model
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Randomize
