some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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